How to support someone deep in grief

Grief. The ‘G’ word. The ‘big G’. Although it’s something we all experience, it can be a tricky topic to approach.

When we know someone who is grieving, if we’ve not been there ourselves, we can feel helpless. We tiptoe around the topic, and as much as we want to extend ourselves to be there, we don’t know whether to run at them arms open or quietly back away.

I get it can be tricky to navigate. I’ve been on both sides.

How can we be there to support one another when grief strikes? What can we do to show up for our family, friends and neighbours who have lost a loved one?

Let me tell you.

First up, one thing to know is that for grievers, social connections can mean so much. Friends, family and our community played a crucial role in getting me through the initial months, which were incredibly tough. Something we discuss a lot on the Good Mourning podcast is how a little gesture can go a long way when you are grieving — don’t underestimate your power to play a supporting role for someone navigating loss.

Acts of kindness make a BIG difference

Often, when someone dies, what you might not realise is that the admin involved is huge. Coupled with the exhaustion of grief, it can mean that everyday chores get pushed aside. Little acts of kindness can mean the world, like someone sending over a few home-cooked dinners, offering to walk the dog for a week, or buying the groceries. Anything you can do to help lighten their load is often a godsend for a griever.

Be consistent

No matter the circumstance, grief can feel isolating and incredibly lonely. If you know someone going through a difficult time, be sure to check in often and be consistent. A regular text to say hello, or inviting them for a weekly coffee catch-up, can help the griever feel supported and that they’re not in it alone.

Say their name

It might feel awkward to say the name of the person who has died, but quite often, it’s the only one that a grieving person wants to hear. We want to keep their memory alive, so don’t be afraid to ask about that person, or say their name.

Tweak your language

If you speak to someone going through a loss, be mindful when asking “how are you” that the chances are they won’t be great. Instead, try tweaking your language to say “how are you today?”. This small shift gives the person an opportunity to open up about how they are feeling at that moment.”

I hope these suggestions might help you support someone you know who is going through a difficult time.